


What Could Have Been

by savingpoppunk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse (Supernatural), Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e04 The End, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savingpoppunk/pseuds/savingpoppunk
Summary: “What happened to you?”Cas just gives him a knowing smirk. Because what happened to him? Dean happened to him. He stuck by Dean through an apocalypse as he was abandoned by his brothers and sisters. And eventually Dean abandoned him too. He watched his Dean turn into a shell of the Dean in front of him.“Just...Life,” Cas gestures dismissively.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	What Could Have Been

Cas is in the middle of explaining the surprisingly physical aspect of group mind and shared perspective when he sees Dean enter his cabin out of his peripheral vision. Cas quickly dismisses his disciples with a smile, “why don’t you go get washed up for the orgy. I must confer with our ‘fearless’ leader.” 

Dean’s eyes go wide as the women leave, “what are you man? Some kind of hippie now?” 

Cas rolls his eyes and retorts, “I thought you were done trying to label me.” Cas looks Dean in the eye for the first time since he entered the cabin. “Woah. Strange! You’re not my Dean,” Cas quickly corrects himself, “You’re not now Dean anyway.” 

“Exactly!” Dean says, relieved. 

“What year are you from?” 

“2009.” Cas takes the opportunity to examine this version of Dean. The differences are slight, but this Dean doesn’t have as many lines around his eyes or a permanent frown etched into his face. This Dean is softer, lighter, and doesn’t have the weight of the apocalypse on him yet. The biggest difference in in the eyes. Dean’s beautiful green eyes still have light in them. There is still a glimmer of hope for him. Cas knows that if he was not mortal and could gaze into Dean’s soul again, it would still burn bright. 

“Who did this to you? Zachariah?” He questions. 

“Yes.” Dean responds. “Now let's get this show on the road. Strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calendar.” 

Cas giggles, “I wish I could just, uh, strap on my wings, but I'm sorry...no dice.” 

“What are you stoned?” Dean asks incredulously. 

Cas continues to laugh, “generally yeah.” 

“What happened to you?” 

Cas just gives him a knowing smirk. Because what happened to him? Dean happened to him. He stuck by Dean through an apocalypse as he was abandoned by his brothers and sisters. And eventually Dean abandoned him too. He watched his Dean turn into a shell of the Dean in front of him. 

“Just...Life,” Cas gestures dismissively. 

*** 

Later, after his Dean has gone over the plan to kill the devil, Cas ends up loading shotgun shells with past Dean in his cabin. Past Dean is sat on the floor, leaning back against the end of the bed. Cas in a few feet in front of him on the other side of the pile of shells. They’ve worked steadily in silence for the past half hour, filling, packing, and capping the shells. 

Cas, sick of the silence opens with, “Last night on earth,” and he knows it’s a joke past Dean won't get yet. 

“You think so?” 

“There's no way we’ll get out of there alive. Well, you will. You have Zachariah watching over you.” There's no bitterness in his voice when he says it. He just accepts the way it is. The way it must be. Cas used to be the angel watching over Dean. If he wasn’t numb from the amphetamines, he might feel sad about it. 

Past Dean doesn’t say anything in response to that, just looks away from Cas. 

The tension between them thickens. Dean doesn’t know what to say to this Cas. His Cas is stiff and awkward and confused. The Cas in front of him is unhinged, lives for nothing, and cares about no one. When Dean glances back up at him Cas is giving him a familiar look. Brow furrowed and chin tilted like he's trying to figure something out. 

“I haven’t fucked you in your timeline yet have I?” 

Dean sputters, "Wha- I’m not-” 

Cas scoffs, “Don’t act so surprised Dean. We’ve always shared a ‘profound’ bond. That’s what I called it right?” 

“So, we...we’re a thing now?” 

Cas laughs, and it seems like this Cas is always laughing at him, “That's one way to describe it.” 

“And how would you describe it?” 

“Well sometimes you come into my cabin at night or after a long day, use my body for your pleasures, and disappear.” 

Dean blanches at the thought, “and you just let me-him use you?” 

For the first time Cas looks sad, “It’s the only way I can have you.” 

Dean feels guilty for things he hasn’t even done yet. Cas senses it and offers, “If it helps, it wasn’t always like that.” 

Deans eyes are cast downward, his voice is barely above a whisper, “what was it like?” 

Cas closes the distance between them and grabs Dean by the chin, their lips barely brushing as he says, “let me show you.” 

Dean gives the slightest nod and Cas is bringing their lips together in a crushing kiss. It’s filled with loneliness, anger, passion, love, and all the emotions Cas has felt over the past five years that Dean has yet to even comprehend. Cas slides his hands through Dean’s short scruffy hair, and he pulls Dean into his lap. 

They break apart, gasping for air as Cas searches for the sensitive spot below Dean’s Jawline. Cas knows he’s found it when Dean lets out a desperate, “oh fuck, Cas” and Cas loves the way his name rolls of Dean’s tongue like a prayer. 

He misses the way his Dean used to worship him when they were together. The praise and the gentle touches used to make Cas feel holy again after he lost his wings. But it soon turned to bitterness and harsh fucks with the sole purpose of his Dean’s release. Gone were the days of tender touches and post coital bliss. Now he was simply an object to his Dean. Something to be tossed aside when he was done with him. 

Past Dean making quick work of the button and zipper on Cas’ pants pulls him away from his thoughts. Dean’s calloused hand slides under Cas’ underwear and grips his aching cock. Cas’ eyes almost roll back into his head at that first blissful touch. 

“You like that, huh?” 

As much as Cas does like that, he has other ideas. He begrudgingly slides Dean’s hand off his dick and Dean out of his lap. Dean looks up at him, confused. 

“Bed. Now.” 

The huskiness in Cas’ voice sends Dean climbing up onto the bed with no hesitation. His hands are shaking with adrenaline as tries to work his belt off. Cas is gabbing a bottle of lube off the dresser next to the bed as Dean untangles himself from his jeans. Dean is down to his boxers by the time Cas turns around. 

Dean, who’s sat on the edge of the bed, is face to face with Cas’ crotch. 

Cas inhales sharply as Dean’s calloused hands slide his pants down his thighs. 

Cas feels a different type of high than he’s used to when he slides his cock in-between Dean’s perfectly parted lips. Dean sets a brutally slow pace and fuck Cas hasn’t been sucked off like this in so long. Too long. Dean occasionally pauses to suck on Cas’ hipbones or leaves bite marks on Cas’ thighs and it feels so fucking good. This Dean is worshiping Cas’ body like his Dean used too and suddenly it's all too much and not enough. 

Cas is drowning in euphoria as he pushes Dean back on the bed and crawls on top of him. Dean reaches for the bottle of lube besides them and pops it open. He slicks two fingers and reaches between their sweating bodies to rub at Cas’ entrance. Dean slides a finger inside him, and Cas drops his head into Dean’s neck. “More, more,” he gasps into Dean’s ear and begins rocking back on his single digit. 

Dean obliges him and slips another finger into his aching hole. Dean’s gasping now too, rocking into Cas with his fingers and grinding their dicks together. Dean, having decidedly enough foreplay, slips his fingers from Cas’ hole. Cas whines at the absence until he feels the head of Dean’s cock pressed up against his hole. Dean slides his cock between Cas’s cheeks and Cas wants nothing more in this moment than to be filled to the brim. 

Cas lifts himself out of the crook of Dean’s neck and reaches behind himself to grab Dean’s cock and slide it into his ass. He sets a brutal pace. Burying himself on Dean’s cock over and over. Dean runs his hands up Cas’ sides and whimpers, “oh fuck baby just like that.” And Cas wants to cry because Dean called him baby and maybe he is crying because Dean whispering, “shh Cas it’s okay, it’s all okay” and pulling him down for a kiss. 

And they come like that. Their mouths latched together, Dean’s hands sliding up Cas’ torso, and Cas’ hand griping Dean’s shoulder, like it's his soul being pieced back together and dragged out of hell this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I have not written a fic in years so please please bear with me. Constructive criticism and any comments you may have are greatly appreciated! Enjoy :)


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